In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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