whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
