Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Randomize
