Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
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