You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I have post one night stand depression
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