i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
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