dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Randomize
