people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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