The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
