Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
