Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize
