I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Randomize
