Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
We left the knife in your bed.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
