just come out here and I will go home with you...
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Randomize
