I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
