she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
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