I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
