The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
