I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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