i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
