too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
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