i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
