didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
this hospital has no fireball
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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