Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
