So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Randomize
