if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
