My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
