Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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