i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
