Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
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