First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
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