the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
