I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
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