Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
