Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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