Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
