Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
