I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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