evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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