If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
We left the knife in your bed.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I'm really busy with my period
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