I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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