Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
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