She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
