In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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