I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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