I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
