Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
