bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
