I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
