omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Randomize
