I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
