is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
