do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Randomize
