hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
i just sent this text using only my big toe
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
