my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
