I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Randomize
