i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Randomize
