Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Drake has all the answers
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Randomize
